New Year's Eve 2020

I wasn't exactly looking forward to the annual blog post this year, but here we are.

I always re-read the previous year's blog post before I start, and I always end the post by talking about what I'm looking forward in the new year.

"Onward

Next year brings new adventures that include a honeymoon to Paris and Amsterdam in the spring, Kappa convention in Boca Raton, and maybe another trip to Disney World if we can manage it. As for the rest, who knows? I mean, aside from the crushing expectations of a presidential election year in the United States.  Perhaps I'll aim my reading goals back up into the 40-50 book range again, or take up knitting. Perhaps both.

Wishing you and yours a prosperous 2020. 

Get out and vote."

 

So this is how my year actually went.

We Bought a Car

Will's Subaru kicked the bucket when the head gasket cracked. He knew it was likely to happen, so it wasn't so much of a surprise as it was an inconvenience because buying a new car certainly wasn't on the To Do list. Fortunately we were in a decent position to manage it. I usually commuted to work by bus and we rarely needed both vehicles at the same time to begin with, so he drove my car for about six weeks while we researched our options. 

Let me tell you, asking for mainly cash gifts when we got married was the best thing for us because that was enough to do a good down payment. We ended up replacing his car with the same one, only 6 years newer and in a different color. We call them "Sarubaru" as an homage to the character Saru on Star Trek: Discovery.

Buying a car isn't such a big deal on the face of it, but I looked at this particular experience as a personal victory because:

1. We shared a car for six weeks and did just fine
2. I did my first negotiation for a major purchase. While I bought the Camry myself, at the time I was a young and naïve woman and I didn't negotiate the price at all. 

I Last Saw The Inside of an Office in March

I don't remember if it was the second or third week of March when my employer gave up on their 50% in/ 50% WFH rotation and just sent everyone to work remotely. All I know is, I grabbed as much as I could from my locker at the office and went home to hunker down. I didn't think it was going to be over in 3-4 weeks like many were saying it might because of what my news sources were saying, but it wasn't like I had any real idea of what was coming either. I dove in to things around the house and on the Internet, like looking at art galleries through Google and signing up for TwoSeven, a service that lets you watch streaming content with friends. I finished out the spring term of my flamenco class remotely.

I Cut My Hair.  Then I Shaved It Off Completely.

On April 1st, I looked at myself in the mirror and said goodbye to my mane. The truth is that I was looking for an excuse for months and the pandemic was the perfect cover. It has been very short before, but usually that happened inadvertently, like needing to cut out the last of the color that I used to dye it. (A lovely dark auburn, if you're curious.) At first I did bangs and a layered cut just to see what it would look like if I did it, and then I took out Will's clipper set and shaved it down to maybe a half an inch? I really don't remember which guard I used. 

It was awesome.

It was like getting to know my hair all over again.  Turns out, it's stick straight when it's less than an inch long and I have a massive cowlick. The curls returned about two months later, and I've pretty much just been letting the top grow out while keeping the sides short. My hairdresser, Chelsea, is amazing and shapes it up for me every 4-5 weeks. I don't know if I'll ever grow it out again, but I do know that I'm about ready to start experimenting with wearing wigs for fun anyway, so there's that.

My first self-layered haircut

Surprise! It's all gone!

Our Honeymoon: A Dream Deferred

By late April, it was pretty clear that we weren't going to be able to go on our honeymoon trip in late May. The plan was to drive up to Toronto, Canada and fly into Paris and back from Amsterdam for a 10 day trip. Seeing as how the US/Canadian border was closed and most of Europe was on strict lockdown and not allowing entry by non-citizens or EU nationals, there was just no way we could keep it on the books even if we wanted to. 

We were issued credit from the airline and credit card company, Airbnb, and the VRBO host, and that was that. I think what I am most saddened by is not just that I couldn't go to Europe, but that my husband has to wait that much longer to use his passport for the first time. Since we became a couple, one of the things I've been looking forward to the most out of anything is taking him on his first trip abroad.

It will happen eventually--maybe even in 2021 if we are fortunate.

New Frontiers in Fraternity Life

Unsurprisingly, the KKG Convention that was set to take place in Boca Raton this June didn't happen either. Well, it didn't happen in person. The Fraternity pivoted and held it virtually. Earlier in the year, I accepted a nomination to serve as one of the four Vice Presidents who sit on the Fraternity Council, which is the executive board of the organization. It meant a lot to me to even be considered in the first place, let alone actually voted in. I'm really proud of that accomplishment, as it's been the result of several years of working diligently to become a "known entity" and grow as a leader. 

A huge tidal wave of change is washing over Greek letter organizations right now--particularly the ones that have been historically white--and so it is rather meaningful that I, a Black and Latina woman, am serving on the highest governing body of our organization. I don't know for certain if I am the first, but I wouldn't be surprised if I am. I certainly intend to help ensure that I'm not the last BIPOC member to serve in this way either. Because let me tell you, our members are paying attention to things like that. They want change and they want it yesterday. We have been constantly monitoring the climate in our collegiate chapters and college campuses, as well as alumnae feedback about everything from racism, equity, affordability, and how to maintain some semblance of sisterhood during a global pandemic. It's a lot. It's also been a delight to work with the other members of council. While I had met almost everyone before, coming together on 2-3+ hour calls every month to solve the world's problems has brought us close and I have learned a ton from them.

We Moved Again

There's a long backstory that I prefer to tell to others one-on-one, but we moved out of our apartment when our lease was up in July, and took up residence with my parents in the suburbs. It's a temporary arrangement, although we don't have an exact end date at present. While it has been a big adjustment--especially for my hubby--it has been working out pretty well. The house is spacious enough and our schedules different enough that sometimes we don't even all see each other, if you can believe it.

Bidding Squirrel Hill adieu was mostly a blur for me. We held a garage sale both virtually and in person, and I sold so much stuff on eBay that I actually attained Power Seller status. You have to sell a lot to get that designation. Books, comics, gaming consoles + games, Funko pops...you name it, I probably tried to sell it online. Right now we don't own a single piece of furniture!

And next year? We're moving again. But I'll get to that in a bit.

The boys enjoying their new spot in the grandparents' basement

We Took a Trip to the Finger Lakes

After losing out on our honeymoon, friends' weddings, and pretty much everything else, Will and I realized that we needed something good and fun to look forward to. We decided to use our Airbnb credit to put towards a cabin rental in the Finger Lakes region of New York over the week of my birthday in September. This place was wonderfully remote, the cabin was huge but well appointed, we even got to do a little bit of hiking in some nearby falls, and I even got to meet up with my dear friend from my Disney College Program days who lives in Rochester. Honestly, it was one of the best trips I've taken in a long time.

I Got a New Job

I had been with my previous employer for almost 7 years and felt it was time for me to move on, so I applied to a similar role at another company in the industry. In doing so, I also had the opportunity to flex my negotiation muscles again. Let's just say that it went well. I will continue to work remotely until sometime in Spring 2021 until such time that it makes sense to make our next move to... ((drumroll)) Columbus, Ohio!

That's where my role is based when there's not a pandemic on. We are both excited and sad to leave our hometown, but at least it's just a 3 hour distance and we have connections in Columbus to help us settle in when we do get there.

Black Lives (Still) Matter

Back in May when fervor was growing over George Floyd's murder, I posted this message on Instagram:

It's not just this week that's been hard. It's a lifetime of being reminded in ways both subtle and not-so-subtle, that I am not safe.

It's the constant reminder that all it takes is being in the wrong place at the wrong time for someone with any power to decide that it's time for me or a member of my family to be "put in their place", possibly die as a result, and have our picture plastered all over the Internet for strangers to tut tut over before moving on with their lives.

I am scared and I am exhausted.

You want to help me? Do the work that it takes to be anti-racist. There are resources everywhere waiting for you.

I turned the comments off of that post because I didn't have the energy to do any emotional labor beyond speaking my piece.  A lot of the time I still don't. I once read a quote that said something like, "Racism will only go away when white people realize that it's not an issue that they have to empathize with, but a deep rooted problem that is destroying their own humanity." This white supremacy is a cancer that is literally killing bodies and souls. I have been living in this skin for nearly 40 years now and nothing that happened this year shocks me. Absolutely none of it. It scares, saddens, enrages, depresses, and drains me, but never shocks. 

I am proud of who I am and I love my Blackness and Latinaness, and despite all the valid reasons why I shouldn't, I love this country and believe in our ability to overcome this. But we have to have a reckoning with racism and our 400+ year heritage of building a nation of wealth on the backs of BIPOC people. If you're reading this post, chances are good that you agree with me, and I hope you know that becoming anti-racist is a lifelong learning process.

I Got a COVID-19 Test

Just before Christmas I was able to order mail-in test kits for Will and me through work. I didn't strongly suspect that either of us had it, but I wanted to know for peace of mind. After all, we live with my parents and they still work outside the home. Fortunately we both tested negative. I do know people who have had it and recovered, and I am lucky to say that I don't know anyone personally who has died of it. I hope that stays true. I know how fortunate I am to have remained healthy, employed, and able to work from home and avoid going out into the world. I miss going out to eat and seeing friends. I'm weary of the unmitigated chaos running rampant in our country. I don't like foggy glasses. But I remind myself that this is just temporary and that I can rest easy knowing we're doing the right thing.

Photo is unrelated to the Covid test. This just makes me smile is all.

2020: It Is What it Is

My and my husband's mental health took an absolute beating this year, I miss being with my friends, and goodness knows that all this sitting in front of a screen all day every day is hard as hell on my body. 

There were also good things: my family grew closer, I got more time with my pets, I experienced a career victory and my quickbread game has been upped in a major way. I made it through 2020 intact, and that's good enough.

Onward

What can I say about the future when I'm living in limbo? Well for one, I'm looking forward to January 20th. I know that changes won't magically appear overnight or without a lot more work. That's okay--it's the nature of democracy and we've had a really hard lesson in why it can't be a spectator sport.

I suppose all I can say beyond that is that I hope that our next move goes smoothly, that our family and friends continue to stay well, that we can get vaccines and plan a wonderful getaway trip. I hope the same for all who read this.

Be safe and good luck.